I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
