I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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