just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
