porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
