Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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