Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize