Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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