I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
