It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize