You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
