i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
