Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
