He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
