ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
