Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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