i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
