and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
