how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
