so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize