Just cropdusted the office
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
