God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
