you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
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