I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
