I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
