people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
