My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
