i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
