Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
