Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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