Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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