grandma shit on top of the toilet
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
