just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
