U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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