now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
