Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
