I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize