Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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