dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
