I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize