Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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