Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize