D3 body, D1 cock
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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