is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
