okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
