you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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