he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
