yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize