I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
