I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
