we're chasing vodka with high fives
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
