i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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