I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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