Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
