your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
