in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize