I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
