I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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