There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
