1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize