I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she told me i tasted like america
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
