Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i believe in u and ur pee
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
