i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
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