He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
