Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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