i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
