Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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