You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
