Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
