I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
