So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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