mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
either way he was missing a nipple.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
