Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize