I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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