I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
