we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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