Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
